Its the new me .. Thank God

Hello everyone, I am back and I have really missed writing to you all. I have a great news. I am no more jobless 😎. Started working for a prestigious company which pays good and has everything I wanted from a corporate world . This job has given me a chance to see a new city away from home where I feel free and independent again .

              

 When my training ended in march I was feeling so bored because I was never this free in past 7 months, truly speaking I hated it. one thing I became sure of was I can't stay free . I had to do something but this thought made me impatient all peace was lost I wanted to escape from that house .

    Fortunately this state of mine was not permanent. I got the mail and when I saw it I screamed "I got it I got it " hearing that my sister was sure of what I was talking about and it all started looking like chick flick "he proposed " kind of a scene.

   Now I am here 24 hours away from home and for the first time I traveled in a plane .Its a totally different here the way people look, dress ,eat ,Movies most important language it absolutely far away from Hindi and these guys are very proud of it.If you don't trust me on this just go n watch 2 states and Chennai express , you'll get the hint.Well I am not complaining  about everything... Weather here is far better than Rajasthan. Food is not for vegetarians.Here people are mostly hardcore non veg eater.Nice part is I can fulfill all my wishes of eating that stuff my sis doesn't like.

  I will skip the middle part of this journey because I m leaving the place moving to a new city.Its a wonderful place for couples, there are so many places to visit ,nightlife everything is awesome here. On the brighter side it gives me a chance to notice everything else like one day I was just going to office in a taxi and I was only looking at things how they were ...moving ..still ... Colorful... Molded ... The air was a little cold yet comforting... And I felt a strange silence on that vehicle loaded road...I felt happy.. Because this is what I wanted ...Now I have it .I am really happy,everyday I see myself in the mirror as a smiling face, a happy person , a free mind ,a person I always wanted to become ...

   

    Enough for now i know..xoxo 

E for elephant

Are you thinking this post is about teaching alphabets ? 

No it's not.

But it's surly about what we learnt , what we do and what we don't do even after knowing what should be done. 

I watch a number of elephants daily in the morning on my way to job. I see long lines of tourist in the garden in-front of The Amber Palace waiting for their chance of the elephant ride everyone really excited and happy to see the big creature . In Indian religion we have Lord Ganesha who has a head of a very wise elephant.(that's just a fact that how religion is also link to this creature)people from other countries fell it to be very different and interesting.

But what I see is a type of cruelty on those elephant working from the morning going up and down carrying those heavy bodies. again and again and it makes me sad . I am a animal lover IS love dogs I can't see any cruelty on any living being who is not harming other whose unable to speak its pain.When i look at those elephants the first thing I do is to

look in their eyes and see those marks , I think they are tears ,I don't know for sure but the thought touches my core .There must be others too who may feel the way I do but no one cares to make elephant's life better . The sight passes and I indulge in other things leave the big cute elephant behind .We all were taught to help and love animals and those who can't help their selves .But those teachings have been forgotten there meaning have fed our life has become a  materialistic was this the only fate.

I always wanted to have a tattoo now I know if i ever had one what it should be probably when i will be working for them :)

SMILE :)

SMILE ! there is no other expression in the world that is so communicative and radiating, so smile and let everyone smile with you :)
I am totally a round the clock smiling person * I love it and I love to see people around me smiling( not the fake smiles) . I would like to steel away all the saddest thoughts and turn their attention towards the joy of their existence in that very moment which is not sad at all it's only them who are turning it boring.So smile away all you worries real happiness is the key to live this life the fullest.

Well I didn't start writing today cuz I wanted to give some social lecture about happiness, we all in our own ways find the funniest way through day to day life.. so I have no work left to do there . The reason that drove me here is a specific person .... the one and only Kate Hudson ,,, she is an inspiration to me .. more like a face that i would wanna see everyday because it makes me smile again . May be i like her cool style She seems very clam yet full of positive energy a modern successful woman who is sexy yet she knows how to perform her work . May be it's only that that i want to see myself like her. Her everlasting fun kind of resembles my enthusiasm . I am not a Kate Hudson mad fan .. just a tiny little follower . She must be proud of me (when ever she gets to know about me ).



A lot can be said but i think it's enough for today wear a smile because it's a fact that when you smile you look more attractive and open to others and i don't think that a little more blood will harm you . BE happy stay blessed XOXO .




 *Condition applied : the margin for the feeling of hitting someone really hard is not considered here.
                                            

Alive :)

I opened my FB account and I saw one of my best friend’s post which said that how much she is missing hostel. I really wanted to comment that I blessed that I am still not is that missing you a lot phase. Sometimes it really feels pathetic watching going so emotional about a place or their friends but the irony is this that it happens with e also but the difference is everything happens a little slow to me even the miss u fever can’t beat it .The funny part is that I am ten times more emotional than my friends, I just become a cry baby most of the times. I seriously want my crying habit to collapse like WTC. America may not like that but I will dearly welcome the crashing plain into my cry emotion. I’ve read somewhere that how well and affirmatively you express your emotions shows your mental health and according to it I am really healthy and well.. in this case I want to be a patient I don’t want to express my anger (when I am angry either I want to throw things and break them or just cry the rage out ..) this is something I would like to eliminate .

Okay this is too much now … I have another thing to say … you guys remember all your first things ..First time you went to a theme park …  bicycle …first ride … first time of new school(not always good but still) …first time of stage that rush .. First time of hearing those claps … first time of winning anything(and how much you liked it that losing is not an option anymore )… first bedtime story ….. First good book … first best friend(in my case I have had a number of them )…ur just the first friend … the first time you drove something all by your own .. the feeling of being adult and mature ..independent …there are a lot of these  … and I am sure that most of them are common …   some may have experienced it … yet other are still waiting some of them to happen … like first successful love relation … or a true friend …. There are also many people who spend all their life waiting for “ the love and the best buddy”  … what can we say … it’s just destiny … I just wish everyone finds what they really looking for …. I once knew what I wanted … and also worked for it … but it is hard to follow the right way always … sometimes you choose other soothing ways… but you should realize that if you didn’t worked for you dream and ambition no one else gives a damn …. So if you haven’t found your dream yet keep searching for it .. and if you have found it keep working for it …  in the end you may accomplish it or at least you’ll have a satisfaction of living for what you wanted … … so you guys out there should keep your head high and eyes open because you don’t wanna miss anything ….may that anything is something you always wanted …  xoxo

LOVE  …

XXX

Sky is the limit

Finally i know how cloud number 9 feels like ... it's hell amazing ... I had my first flying lesson today and now i am feeling like a kid who never wanted to come out of a ride .... i wanted to scream in joy ... why people say that it makes them feel dizzy? ... if they call that thing i felt dizzy ... then i wanna feel it thought out my life ... it's freedom ... no road guiding you ... but still u know your limits ... there are bumps and air sometimes try to throw you away from your path but still you know the right way and u struggle little but you get on track again...Before getting started there are so many things you have to be sure of ... and after that when you fly you feel just rocking ....and there is no match .. .. love you sky ..   :)
                                                        XOXO 

How it feels to be on the other side of the planet ....

If life ever would have given us a choice about what we wanna be in life : a beautiful swan or a lizard ; a flower or a thorn ; a turtle or a spider; it is obvious that most of us will choose the pretty and delicate eye candy type stuff ... it's an usual state of mind;  We go by our lives daily passing through alleys and streets walking driving ...watching people as they  pass by and how some faces catch our eye... a part of which is really pretty and luring ... and the other part is not so pleasant to see... why would have god made some people less pretty ? those who aren't 

that pleasing beautiful are such adorable and caring person that you can't believe this much Blair of divinity and enthusiasm from someone who is not desired by people who this inferiority complex who think they have the power to tell others that they are ugly and for this reason they can't stand by their side ...they are judgmental as they open their mouth a river full of dirt flows off making you see their inner brightness (the real devil)... totally takes me to heaven(that i am right about their kind of beauty) ...i do hate people around me ... hate is such a strong emotion ...i see them pretending that they don't do things to get noticed but actually their whole life depends on it ... they live for it ... why can't people be modest after having all types of wealth (for that i mean a healthy and loving caring family ,brains , good looks and it's eventually gonna get them wealth so i just have considered all the present aspects and future result to support my statement ... i hope now you guys comprehend )...i also belong to that ugly clan.. I hear people passing by me saying I like her cloths but she is ugly … guys do this rating this 2/10 and sometimes they just don’t consider me  … shit happens in life … the difference in my case is my whole life is an embarrassment .. I think my friends sometimes don’t wanna hang around with me because they are actually very beautiful and they don’t want a ugly person to ruin their herd (it's not that i think me to be some worm or something it's just how they think of me and i still can't say no to them when they need help .. funny me )… actually public appearance with me is a little overwhelming for them … I get it … I too don’t wanna be the person who ruins the pic … so stand behind the camera most of the times .. eventually I have started liking it … I can click nice so I do that they can look nice so they do that … nice agreement right … I have read somewhere that those who laugh the fullest  have been crying a lot and so they take every chance to have a smile … these are not the exact lines but I hope you got the meaning …some of my friends (I clearly don’t know are they truly my friends or they pretend to like me ? everything is a blur ) tell me that they like to make me laugh because they like my laughing voice and how I don’t restrict myself from doing it like others who think that should laugh in style … I remember when I used to go to my training in bus all my friends used to crack so many jokes just to my me laugh and everyone on the bus used to look at me and smile …. That’s something I have …still not proud of it because if I did that god while take away my voice also.. he has taken my smile .. I can’t handle to be a mute and neither can my parents.. life have given me many scars and I have to live with them … but after living with them for this much time they don’t bother me .. once doctor asked me about any visible scars for identification and I couldn't come up with one and trust me I have two on my face and he could clearly see that but what I could manage to tell him was about a  mole on my face (I felt so stupid after a while when I realized what I did ..).. my scars don’t annoy me because I have a habit of watching them every day …but it’s little hard for people to stop staring and feel pity about my poor soul who is not so physically beautiful like theirs … sometimes I can’t figure out the reason … I still go out and I don’t need a buddy to eat with me at the corner restaurant I don’t hate being alone .. me and my thoughts and not forgetting my on-going expressions  ..they are best buddies...

I wanna be a atheist because whatever I try praying thanking threatening begging god never considers it… even I take care when I see an ant and try not to crush it under my feet … but Mr I am busy all the time never have a feeling for this ugly creation of his maybe he likes to punish me for my bad deeds of past life (I am not I hard-core believer but I think everything has a reason behind it and the holy books say something like that so what’s the harm in mentioning it once )Or maybe the devil owns me… and I am born evil .. so god doesn't like me … devil Is devil why would he care I don’t even do his job with keen effort… whatever none of these can improve my position…so I just leave both of them alone … and I don’t have to ask them to do the same cause they already have abandoned me .. sometimes I give up all hopes and think of dying ten I start to figure out methods and then I start thinking that when I had that accident which took all my charm away and gave me this position that I am writing such horrible things here .. it should have taken my life away it would have been better than living this way …

You know what I've learned … I have learn to live a life in ignorance I don’t go on stage when I really want to .. speak to people … come forward to do something … I avoid going parlous so much because every women there is more interested in me than how their own looks … some people say I got good imagination but I don’t want anyone to look at it .. So I don’t participate in anything … no one likes to listen what I have to say because every pinch of fun is gone now … past two years have been the worse … now my bf also tells me that I was better before … (and who wants him to compromise and stay with a boring girl he can leave whenever he wants .. and I have made it clear to him several times )….these days I don’t feel like living into any commitment …I wanna be a free person but do you know how some things become your habits … it’s the same matter here …well I already know that whatever I want doesn't happen instantly (when it happens instantly for others who don’t even deserve it more than me )… like I wanted I rode four years ago now I really don’t care about having it … but now I am gonna have it .. Now the question is .. Does it make me happy now? .. no it doesn't  there is no worth of rain when all the crop has burned under sun…

 I feel myself to be different (not in a way that i am a better soul or something... or I am not trying to make myself look superior )...i never understand how can anyone describe their selves in a few words ... and how you can think of good things always ... It's a  hard thing for me to think about my qualities ... when other tell me that I am good at such thing i get so surprised  that i think you sure you talking about me cause this doesn't sound anything like me ... i like to be with people and have fun ... but I also like to live away from anyone do the things that i really like .... Think about the future ... or just think about what i wanna eat ... just look around and see everything observe the surroundings ... feel calm .... and sometimes I wanna go rock star mode ... jump on bed ... stand on stage sing songs out loud .... Party dance until the morning sounds so loud that i stop feeling my ears ... drive fast in chill that my face go all numb .... 

   

  Certainly my character is not followed by others .. so i keep my ideas inside ... and try to play along ... I have been just waiting for the time to come when i'll be the queen of my world ... I will go all demanding ...i'll go onto a high water fall and jump into it ...I came bet you I’ll be sparkling alive .... I’ll go to concerts n watch classic movies every day … 

I still have a hope and I am determined I’ll have whatever I want but it will take time .. time has always been a factor … but I certainly now that no miracles are going to happen … you won’t agree that after all the ignorance some people now and appreciate … and I have a tendency to work hard … I have always been working  hard and no one who has ever seen me can deny my passion I always want a upper hand … wanna reach the top …. I want power … (I don’t wanna be super women but power has different forms ) … now I should stop being this horrible workaholic ugly woman …I don’t wanna scare you guys off… I am still very sweet … xoxo a bientot ….     

XY & XX

Some people are just like birds they were born for flying i.e. the cool free fallows ,,, and those kind of people are men most of the times...actually it's just one side of coin that i am looking at..some how they get liberty of being a stupid and lazy race(yet cute) and its not new i suppose men from stone age were also the same .........but u'll agree that some times in life everyone goes stupid and lazy...we girls too(and you people laughing and thinking that girls always act stupid should know playing dumb gets things done the easy way)...

 Men they are just difficult people and of different type also, some of them are too easy going (they can scare you of ) ;some are there who totally repel girls away cuz of their over humorous nature (they can't take anything seriously);a few are ignorant;a number of them are being ignored(may be couse they don't posses the killer looks  ) ;some are just not made to stick to one girl they get bored soon; some of them are complete idiots without any guts to even admit that they are in love or the whole concept of it is out of their league who only think about their career and you know what is harder for them is accept that they really like someone; there's also a few who are deeply believe into this love relation thing ..
those romantic and sensitive guys are always on the wanted list of girls ... who care about their mates not just  because of the pleasure they get in reply but due to their generous feeling .....
 I wont say that they all are in pure form ...compounds or hybrids are more likely to be found ... i am not flaunting that I've seen many of those personally because i haven't ... I've always been on the geek side...Don't judge me i was  not entirely a geek but on the verge of being called that but somehow i maintained my cool funny girl surrounded by friends status ..wasn't so hard ..... i was just being my real self and in doing that i almost forgot that the opposite sex exist not only in the bio books but in the real world too... i was all about my goals in life and the pursuit of attaining them .... but the almighty was not very happy with this dull shades on my life it pour a boy in ... how does it sounds to you..??.. boring (happens with everyone) ... i am not i different girls ... i am just normal (happier this way)... well i use a lot of 'I's and 'but's...  it's my expression what to do about it ... so the boy ... yes he is close to everything i want ... understanding ,encouraging ,romantic ,cute ,funny ,caring ,smart ,well dressed ...  as i said before there are hybrid guys ,... sometimes they get over excited  which makes you feel a little embarrassed ... sometimes they get over protective making you suddenly think that your normal life is being hindered....sometimes they say mean things ... sometimes they stop caring about you and start being all selfish .... sometimes they get all demanding ... I am not saying all of that is with boys it's with girls too ...no one is perfect .. you just have to stop looking for the worst and start loving the best ....
 Well the classification continues: there are egoistic men egotistic men intelligent yet stupid men who can't find out that mentioning a thing is the indication that the girl either wanna have it badly ... girls are complex you can't ask for straight forward replies you have to do a little mind boggling ....sometimes men also get too hard to understand ... they have this secretive thing all the time which according to them is not very comprehensive for the girls  ... only the mars people can understand it ... REALLY ?? i mean Are you serious ??
How can i forget Miss sleep and Mr. TV ... these are the permanent god gifted best friends for them ... men are rational freaks and they also try to play strong always ... i don't have any personal grudges against them ... its just how i sometimes feel ... they are not all bad .... may be it's a different angle today for me ...
 There is a fact that everyone has a heart which melts me down ,,,, no matter how they act and behave, when it comes from heart it doesn't bothers me at all .. I like genuine people guys or girls there is no discrimination at all... just be bold instead of being snobbish ,,, accept everyone with their true soul ...there is no space for pretenders ..but the cruel fact is that only 2-3% of the population around you will show you their real self .... Pretending is fashion ... color of the ever green season ....  guys pretend to like some girls to have only a casual relationship ...even girls date boys so that they don't have to pay for their shopping....they all may have  their benefits attached to the relation and that's why those relations don't survive in long run... as someone more beneficial enters their life some type of reverse magic happens which break all the old bonds and stranger becomes the love of my life ... that's how it goes and the cycle repeats itself ... And it's gonna be like that ... isn't it sad ?True love is nearly impossible to find ... but when you find it never let it go... :) It's like pure music there is no meaning until the singer him or herself feel it .. and also the listener has a soul & mind to understand and appreciate ....and i feel everyone should have one special song which they can relate to and fell in love with ...there are no demands .... you never ask about how rich that song is ?.. ... you just like the song to be played over and over again ... even if the song gets older the meaning still remains the same ..it applies to the people who are in love... they get married (or not)and even after 40 years they cherish the same love they had when they first fall in love ...Ironically those who run away from commitments can never experience it ...